Cosmic Love
by SamCole
Summary: Dean is Castiel's charge. He's ordered to watch over him, but he's not allowed to interfere. Along the way, Castiel starts to feel for the boy and thing's get a bit more complicated.  Based off the song Cosmic Love by Florence   the Machine  Destiel


_**Author's note: So, I wanted to challenge myself as I've been unable to write Wincest ever since season 7 broke my heart, I've decided to take a crack at this fic. No, this is only my second Destiel fic, and this is the first thing I've written in any Supernatural fandom that does not contain porn. Please forgive any mistakes as this is un-beta'd cause it's a side project. To anyone who's waiting for my other stories, I'm trying really, and I hope you'll enjoy this. This is based off of the video "Shadow of my Heart" of youtube, if anyone wants the link, feel free to PM me or go to youtube and type in "Shadow of my Heart Dean/Cas" in the search bar, it's the first one that pops up!**_

_**Summary: AU. Dean is Castiel's charge. He's ordered to watch over him, but he's not allowed to interfere. Along the way, Castiel starts to feel for the boy and thing's get a bit more complicated. That's copied and pasted directly from the info in the video, as it was the basis for this fic.**_

_**Enjoy**_

_**Cosmic Love**_

Castiel watched from the Heavens as Mary Winchester laid her beautiful baby boy in his crib. The infant let out a soft cry, and the tender, loving mother cooed him softly, caressing his plump little cheeks until he quieted.

"It's okay baby, it's all okay. Angels are watching over you," she said softly, and placed a ginger kiss on her baby's forehead. The infant slumbered on silently.

If only he knew, Castiel thought, as he watched the slumbering infant, his Charge from the moment of his conception.

He thought it was strange, that a child be given an Angel this early in his life, he was not important yet Michael swore up and down that one day he would be and that this child had been chosen by their Father.

And who was Castiel to argue with that?

He drifted out of his thoughts as he watched the loving mother look down on her baby, smooth his small amount of hair and leave. In a blink and the sound of ruffled feathers, Castiel stood beside the crib, for the first time since his creation he had a Charge and was permitted to leave Heaven to see the child. Castiel tilted his head, studying the strange mound of soft, pudgy flesh and cloth. He had seen babies from Heaven but never before had he been this close.

He reached out with a hesitant hand and touched the baby's small one. To his surprise and horror, the infant Dean latched on to his finger in his sleep, a reflex of sorts that Cas had only witnessed until that moment. He tilted his head, confused at the warmth he suddenly felt before shrugging it off and blaming it on the heat of the infant's skin.

Still, when he vanished with the sound of ruffling feathers, he detected the trace of a smile on his vessel's lips.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~D*C~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next time Castiel returned to earth to check on his vessel, Dean Winchester was four years old and had a little brother, just as adorable as he had once been, tucked in his arms as he ran from his burning home. Dean Winchester was only four when he saved his first life, and it was probably the most important human he would ever save.

That night when their father drove them to Bobby Singer's house, put his children in a room together and went downstairs to mourn and drink himself comatose, Castiel returned to Earth to see his Charge once more. The boy had cried himself to sleep-what child wouldn't after the death of a cherished parent-with his thumb tucked in his mouth. Sam was asleep in an old crib that Bobby had to borrow from a neighbor who only agreed because she had seen the news broadcast on the loss of the Winchester's home and beloved mother and wife.

Castiel ignored the baby and walked straight over to Dean's bed where he crouched down to be at eye level with the sleeping boy. His cheeks were streaked with tears, his little nose red from all the sniffing and wiping it on his sleeve and his hair was a wreck. The poor kid was a mess. Castiel frowned and reached out, his fingertips brushed the soft skin of the boy's tear stained cheeks, his power allowing him to ease the boy's heart-breaking pain and to clean him up a bit.

He stood then and vanished into the night, returning to Heaven where someone was going to get a piece of his mind.

That someone happened to be Anna, who, in hindsight, was probably not the person he should have been bitching at. She had her orders just like he did and if he wanted to sort out this whole mess he'd have to find Uriel, but it was Anna he ran into first and Anna who was going to get an ear full.

"Why couldn't I help him?" Castiel demanded, his tone raising a few octaves louder than it should have. Though he was not supposed to feel, it was hard not to after he was deemed responsible for the boy.

Anna sighed and shrugged, "I don't know Castiel. All they said was that this had to hap-"

"No," Castiel interrupted, "There was no reason for this to happen at all! What if my Charge had been killed!"

Castiel had to hand it to Anna, she didn't even flinch as he yelled at her, she remained cool and composed until Castiel eventually fell silent and ran his fingers through his mess of semi-spikey brown hair.

"You done?" She finally asked when he silenced and he nodded.

"Cas, I know you were worried about him, and you have every right to be, he's your responsibility after all, but they knew what they were doing. The big guys up top knew Dean was going to be okay and besides, you against Azazel? That fight would have been pointless anyway."

Castiel nodded, rational thoughts telling him that all this was true, that Dean was safe and that this had to happen, all so Dean could grow up to be whoever he was supposed to be-which no one was telling him who exactly Dean was going to grow up to be in the first place.

He left Anna without another word because despite his logical thoughts, a small part of him that had grown to care for the boy kept telling him it shouldn't have happened, that even though Dean was okay physically he was not okay emotionally and that was as important as any of the other things as it was Castiel's job to make sure no serious harm befell onto the eldest Winchester son.

Castiel pushed that thought-and those feelings-to the back of his mind and vanished once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~D*C~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"You have to let me go!" Castiel commanded, his tone dark with fury. Uriel shook his head and gave him a steely look.

"Castiel," he began slowly, tone dangerous, "You do not call the shots around here, do you understand? This is what has to happen, if Dean survives then he is worthy, if not then you should be relieved, you will no longer have to waste time on him."

Castiel stood, the chair he had been sitting in scraped noisily against the ground, the sound accompanied by the sound of Castiel's palms slamming down on the table. "He is my Charge! I cannot just let him die!"

Uriel seemed to have lost whatever self-control he had left and waved his hand. The chair came rushing forward, knocking Castiel off his feet and into the chair. He looked up in defiance and was met with the Archangel's finger pointed between his eyes.

"You listen to me and you listen very closely _Castiel_," Uriel said, his tone low and deadly. "You do what I say, when I say it no matter what you think you have to do. If I say save the brat, you save him, if I say kill him I want you to descend to Earth and plunge a knife though that useless boy's heart and if I tell you to _sit down _you will stay in that seat. Do you understand me?"

Castiel was silent for a second as he composed himself, repressing his feelings. He was not supposed to feel, he was supposed to obey and if this was what his Father commanded of him then Castiel had better listen, even if it meant swallowing his emotions and looking Uriel in the eye.

"Yes," he said finally and Uriel grinned with satisfaction and left, leaving Castiel to do all he could do.

Watch.

He watched as Dean struggled against the Reaper, watched as Sam broke apart in a desperate attempt to find a way to save Dean, all while blaming himself, watched as John Winchester summoned Azazel, only to sell his soul to save his oldest son and die shortly thereafter.

Castiel watched from Heaven as Dean returned to his body, began to heal. He watched as Dean's heart broke, watched when Dean sobbed alone after they burned his father's body, watched as he tried to remain strong until finally, _finally_, Uriel gave him permission to leave.

He waited until Dean fell asleep before he began to leave at which point Anna approached him.

"How is he?" She asked softly.

Castiel sighed. "He is not well. He misses his father, and I must go see him."

Anna frowned. "What do you think you can do Castiel? You can't let him see you."

"I know that, Anna, but he doesn't need to see me to ease his pain, I just need to see him, a few moments and I…" He trailed off at Anna's strange look, already full aware of what the expression meant. "I'm sorry Anna, it's just, for the first time…I feel…"

Anna studied him for a moment before nodding and vanishing, leaving Castiel to do the same.

Castiel's first stop was Dean's bedside at Bobby's place. How ironic, he thought, that the last time he had visited the boy in his vessel on Earth had been the same place for the same reason all those years ago. Dean's face was not streaked with tears this time, his hair was not a mess and his nose was not red but Castiel knew he still hurt.

Castiel knew because he too hurt, he hurt _for_ Dean, and he could not fathom how crushed his Charge must have been feeling. He studied Dean's slumbering frame in the low light that spilled into the room from the window. Dean was beautiful bathed in the light of the stars and moon, so flawless and perfect that Castiel's heart lurched inside his chest. It was strange, he figured, that such a thing could happen.

He stepped closer to the sleeping man's bed, his hand hesitantly reaching out to touch his back. He was compelled in a way he had never been before. Every fiber of his being-even his _Grace_-longed to lay a comforting hand on his Charge, to chase away the pain with love.

Castiel's hand touched Dean's back the moment the thought crossed his mind. Love? Castiel was appalled, shocked even that he had even thought such a thing. He was an Angel of the Lord, he was not a human, he was not supposed to love and long for anyone.

At that moment Dean stirred and Castiel vanished just as Dean was bolting up in his bed.

Castiel had, in the rush of the moment, wound up in a church. He wasn't sure where and he wasn't sure why but he took a seat in a pew anyway and stared up at the statue of Jesus on the cross. He closed his eyes, buried his face in his hands and did something that most humans thought Angels didn't need to do: he prayed.

"Father," he whispered aloud, but so softly that no one who may enter could hear him. "I don't know what you want me to do? Why was I chosen, what am I supposed to do, Father? I have sinned, have I not? I am lusting, loving, someone, someone who I am not supposed to. Why Father? Why do I feel this way? Were we not ever supposed to feel? Why Father?" Castiel looked up to the statue one again, his vision now blurred with the threat of tears that he struggled to blink away. For a creature that was not meant to feel, Castiel was suddenly feeling a lot.

A few pews ahead of him a girl with hair every colour of the rainbow and whose face was full of metal sat down and bowed her head. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…"

Castiel watched her pray. She too cried and whispered her pain to the Lord, begging for help to leave her boyfriend who hit her because she was pregnant with his child and feared the unborn's safety. She apologized for being pregnant but said she would be a good mother to the child, she just needed help.

Castiel stood and walked over to the girl. He sat down and she looked up, a startled expression on her mascara-streaked face. He took her hand and looked her in the eyes.

"You are strong enough to leave that man, you are smart and you can make a name for yourself. Go back to your Aunt, she will forgive you, she will help you. You need her help, and she loves you. You can do it, right now, just go. Don't go back to your apartment, don't do anything but get on the next bus to Seattle and become the good mother you know you will be, do you understand?" Castiel said, and placed several hundred dollar bills in the girl's hands.

She stared at him in shock, then gratitude. "Are you an angel?" She whispered.

Castiel smiled and vanished with the sound of ruffling feathers. Even if he was now damned and a horrible guardian over his Charge, he was going to help someone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~D*C~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Castiel, you just have to let him go," Anna said softly, her gaze soft and sympathetic on Castiel's.

Castiel looked up at her, eyes wild. "Let him go! I will not just let him go! He is my Charge! I have been protecting him as much as they will allow me since the moment of his birth! I will not sit around as he suffers in Hell!"

Anna frowned. She knew Cas wanted to protect Dean, he had been fighting with the higher ups to go to Earth and break the deal that he had made in exchange for Sam's life. He had fought for months, demanding that they let him go back and stop Sam from dying, stop him from being killed then being brought back just so they could open the gates of Hell and Dean could have one measly year to live.

And now, Dean was dead and Castiel had been going crazy for nearly four months now and had finally reached his breaking point. He had come to Anna, telling her that he was going to go save Dean, with or without their permission. He had used the term "disobedience" but Anna knew he really meant "rebel" and to rebel would be the end of Castiel.

"Uriel will kill you," she said softly, gripping his hand slightly. "And Dean Winchester is not worth that."

Castiel jerked his hand away, glaring daggers at the woman. "You know not what he is worth."

With that he left the room and made his way through the halls, done with trying to reason with the angels he was going to go to Earth and create a portal to Hell. He was going to save Dean Winchester.

Castiel had found an abandoned house, made all the preparations he needed and as about to give the incantations when Uriel appeared. He knew his former boss would have to show up sooner or later and try to stop him, he was just glad it was later, now, when he was so close and refused to give up.

"Castiel, what do you think you are doing?" Uriel asked, his tone almost amused, as if Castiel was simply joking.

Castiel glared. "I'm going to get my Charge back from Hell. I never should have let him die in the first place."

Uriel sighed and shook his head, "Oh Castiel, you know we can't let you do that."

"Try to stop me," Castiel snarled, and before the Angel could make a move to try, Castiel slammed his open palm into the Angel's chest, sending him flying through the wall. Castiel only had seconds, but seconds was all he needed. He spit the incantations out lightning fast, a hole ripped open in the wall and Castiel went in without a second thought, Uriel screaming his name as he descended.

He was not much of an issue for Castiel. The blistering heat that would melt the skin off a human being was no problem for him and his Grace, he roamed the street of Hell as if he were still on Earth, the only difference was the blood red sky and demons that lurked about, torturing the humans. Hey were hideous things, boiling, rotting flesh pulled over elongated bones, malformed half-faces and chunks missing from their bodies as they fed eternally on the damned until they too became demons.

Castiel had to find Dean, and fast.

Going to Hell, as it turned out, getting out, not so much. See, to remove a soul from hell required a few things, an exponential amount of grace and willpower (both of which Castiel had), a body for the soul once it escaped (which had been hard for Castiel to recreate while pulling Dean upward through the layers of Hell) and luck, which happened to be on Castiel's side.

He pulled Dean from Hell where he had been buried, the trees around the area lay flat from the flare of Castiel's Grace as he had ripped Dean from the Underworld and returned his small, damaged soul to the body that Castiel had re-created. The body was smooth, flawless, without a scar accept for the hand-print on Dean's shoulder. Castiel's mark, the official seal that marked him as the angel's Charge.

Dean had been skeptical at first, not really believing that Castiel was an angel until, several weeks later, Dean had finally given in one night while talking to Castiel.

"Why would an Angel save me from Hell?" He asked, his voice grief-ridden and heavy.

Castiel knew that Dean felt horrible, he had been aware of what Dean had done while in Hell, knew the toll that everything had taken on his frail soul, knew how Dean was plagued by nightmares and tried to drink himself into oblivion. Castiel was surprised, honestly, that Dean had opened up to him and not Sam, but then again he knew that Dean would never allow these things to burden Sam.

"You are my Charge, you-" He paused as Dean walked past him, no doubt looking for some sort of drink. Castiel turned around and waited for him to realize there was no alcohol, at which point Dean returned his gaze to Castiel, his green eyes glistening with tears. Castiel frowned slightly, his eye brows knitting in confusion which could be heard in his voice when he asked, "What's the matter?"

Dean looked at him and Cas saw it all; all the self-loathing, all the grief, all the rage and pain that tore apart his soul and robbed him of his second chance at life. "You don't think you deserve to be saved." He said softly, as it was not a question.

Dean looked as if he was about to cry, right then and there and Castiel reached out, his fingers touching the eldest Winchester's face, caressing as he stepped nearer. Dean froze at first, confused and unsure before he finally allowed himself to relax into Castiel's touch. Castiel stepped closer until their bodies were pressing, his hand still on Dean's cheek. Dean looked at him, then allowed his eyes to slide closed as he pressed his cheek into the palm of Castiel's hand.

Castiel did not understand, could not comprehend why Dean had to blame himself, had to assume that he was so wrong, so demented and sick and screwed up that he did not deserve a second chance.

"Dean," he said softly and Dean looked at him, the tears in his eyes streaming down his face now. Castiel allowed his other hand to join the first and did something he never thought he would get to do. He kissed Dean Winchester, soft, tender, soothing, right on the lips as he wiped away his tears with his thumbs. He wasn't much shorter that Dean, only an inch or two tops, so there was nothing awkward to the simple kiss. Just lips touching lips and when Castiel pulled back, Dean looked confused as if he didn't deserve that either.

Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean and kissed him once more, fully aware that even though Dean may never fully understand, may never think himself worthy, Castiel was going to try. Try to make him understand that he was not as damned as he thought, try to make him realize that he did indeed deserve this second chance at life, as he never deserved to lose his first chance. Castiel decided at that moment, with his lips pressed against Dean's and his arms holding him close that he would one day make sure Dean knew that not only did he deserve his very own Angel, but he was loved by that Angel and always would be.


End file.
